Coping with the Emotional Challenges of Basic Training—For Yourself and Your Enlistee
It’s no secret that getting the news that your son/daughter will enlist—or worse, has already enlisted—often comes with a heavy mix of emotions. Sure, there’s the pride, but there is also fear, confusion, and even grief running wild in your heart. As your aspiring service member prepares for or begins basic training, it’s not uncommon for these still-competing emotions to turn into an emotional rollercoaster. Well, guess what? Your enlistee is on that same ride, too.
The feeling is justified, though. We all know basic training is designed to be physically demanding, mentally draining, and emotionally intense. Your service member might be the one who has to deal with all that, but you also have your own share of emotional weight to carry. Watching your child step into such a tough environment—one where you can’t protect or comfort them as easily—can be incredibly hard. You’re bound to worry about how they’re coping, if they’re eating enough, sleeping well, or feeling overwhelmed. This worry only increases with the limited communication that comes with basic training.
Coping With the Emotional Challenges of Basic Training
So how do you deal with all of this—the worry, fear, and anxiety? Well, the very first step is acknowledging your feelings.
Honestly, there is no right or wrong feeling to experience when your service member heads off to basic training. Whether it’s pride, fear, anxiety, pain—whatever it is. As long as it is a genuine feeling, it is the right feeling to feel at that very moment. Give yourself permission to feel the full range of emotions without suppressing any of it.
Next, talk to someone you trust. Your loved ones are a great choice here, but talking to other military parents can help provide even more support. We find that sharing your challenges with other military parents who have experienced—or may be currently experiencing—the same things as you can make a world of difference. These parents understand the unique rollercoaster of emotions that comes with having a child in basic training. They’ve felt the silence between letters, the aching curiosity about how their son or daughter is doing, and the quiet pride that swells when they see them in uniform. If anyone can provide you with the moral support you need, it’s them.
Another helpful tip? Try to fix your focus on what you can control. It can be tempting to focus on the negative emotions, worry about the lack of communication, and be anxious about the service member’s well-being. But there is little you can do regarding those. Instead, focus on those things you can do. Write your service member letters. Encourage them, provide updates from home, send pictures of their pets, you name it. Even if they don’t reply right away, do not be discouraged. Do what you can, and wait for them to respond in kind.
Finally, remember that this is just one phase in their journey, and yours. Basic training doesn’t last forever. Before you know it, your service member will be back and you’ll be celebrating their graduation. All you need to do is hold tight for just a little while, and you’ll proudly watch your child transform into a full-fledged service member, filling you with more pride and less of those other unsavory emotions.
Useful Resources
National Military Family Association (NMFA) - Offers programs, resources, and support groups tailored for military families, including those with new recruits.
Blue Star Families - Connects military families to community support and other families going through similar experiences.
Give an Hour - Offers free mental health support for military families through volunteer professionals.
